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02 January 2011 @ 02:17 am
Happy New Year!  
I hope everyone had a fun New Year's eve a great Christmas, since I haven't updated since before then :) I got the usual suspects: movies (Downfall/Der Untergang, Inglourious Basterds), books (two Mongol history ones and one about Serbia), CDs (2 Rammstein, 2 U2 and 1 MGMT), pajama pants, chocolate. My sister got me U2's The Joshua Tree on vinyl 8D Stoked about that.

I really wish I looked like Meisa Kuroki. She's so stunning, I mean, just look at these new promo pics.

I'm listening to this Lithuanian singer named Jurga right now. Her album Instrukcija is really good, but her voice is like damn, girl. Very, very talented. I don't think I ever mentioned Yuna on here. She's a Malaysian singer whose music like rock/folk/acoustic, I guess. Her album Decorate is pretty darn good and it's about half in English and half in Malay.

Ugh, complicated shit is complicated. I feel like I'm doing not-so-great things to really good people for something that will never happen and I just feel like complete shit. And in hopes of starting the New Year off a little better than it ended, I need to vent and get everything out:

I'm in my third damn year of university and went the previous two years (and even longer) without liking anyone or being liked and come 1st semester of this year, I met a pretty awesome guy and then shit converged in terrible ways.

Towards the end of September I met the guy in one of my classes who went to see Paul McCartney. As I've mentioned, we didn't talk for weeks after that even though (I thought) we had a great conversation. I finally got up the courage to talk to him (I didn't know if he even wanted to talk to me or remembered me) and we ended up talking for like half an hour after class and it was fantastic. We walked out of class together one day, but then didn't talk for a few weeks again. The last discussion day of class, kind of my last real chance to talk to him, I went up to him again and that's when we and another friend decided to study together for the final. As I mentioned in my last entry, I really, really like him. I looked forward to that terrible class every damn time just in the hopes we'd talk (even though it rarely happened) and studying with him like, reaffirmed that he was awesome, nice, funny, cute, etc.

And then there's this other guy. This guy is a good friend of mine who happened to tell me he liked me back in November (the 17th I believe) and I was honestly very surprised. We got together Tuesday to ~talk about the situation~ or whatever. I think I told him I was expecting to cry at some point lol, but I guess it could have been more awkward than it was. He got me a gift card for Chapters, which I totally don't deserve, as a Christmas present. I guess he sort of figured everything out (in regards to the other guy) before I said anything, but I explained what had been going on nonetheless. I don't know how well I explained it all, though. I feel like (and know) I'm being a huge douche because he's such a great guy.

And then there's yet another guy; the other one of my study buddies. 3 classes and 2 labs together meant we eventually became pretty good friends. He started talking to me and it progressed into a friendship. Very nice guy, fun to be around, loved studying with him too. He decided to tell me that he liked me after the exam after the other guy left. I, again, was super surprised and blurted out that I liked the other guy (which I kinda regret doing), but it gave him a reason why I don't like him and I just said how he was a really great guy and whatever. Things (I think, for me anyways) recovered fine. We got together to study just the two of us another day and we've talked on FB a bit.

Even my best friend's been kinda weird. I get hugs all the time, he's like planned our future together (which I always just took as a joke) and often talks about dating me and wanting to sleep with me and stuff :S That's not awkward at all! He took me out for dinner the other night and then to Tim Hortons, but I just really hope he gets that nothing will ever happen between us. I always only think of that as hanging out, not a date or anything, I mean, he knows more than anyone how much I like the other guy, so hopefully that's enough.

And so, this is my situation. I don't mean for this to come off as 'oh, my life is so horrible, all these great guys like me~~' kinda thing. I hate being a dick. I guess me and the other two guys (not the best friend) are sort of in the same boat, liking someone who doesn't really like you back :/ And the worst part of it is that I'm hoping for something to happen with the one guy and I just have a feeling it won't. And like I said, I know I don't stand a chance in hell with him anyways. There's no reason for him to like me and I'm sure it'll just stay a friendship. And both these guys are really good friends and there's no reason why I shouldn't like them, but I dunno, I don't really see either as anything other than friends even if I hadn't met the other guy.

I want to say something to him so badly, but I can't bring myself to do it. The worst possible scenario is that he says he's not interested and we remain friends. It would suck immensely, but obviously you can't force something that isn't there. He seems like a pretty outgoing/personable guy, so my guess was if he did actually like me he would've just said something, but he did say something else that makes me think that maybe he wouldn't. And I was the one who had to go up to him both times after our initial meeting in September. But still, I think it's just wishful thinking on my part. He suggested the three of us get together over the break, but I don't know when the other guy gets back so it doesn't look like I'll see him until the new semester starts. I guess I could see how things went down for him over the break and then go from there... Who am I kidding? I'm not going to say anything.

So that's everything. I'm in some weird love-triangle-esque thing (or... right angle situation, perhaps, since the other guy doesn't know I like him and I'm sure he doesn't know the other guy likes me) with two guys from the one class and another guy on top of that. It's just turned into some emotional mess for me and I really hate being in this situation. I don't like upsetting or hurting people, so like I said, I feel super shitty. And also shitty because I'm too much of a pussy to say anything to the guy I like. I mean, even though I highly doubt it, what if that's all I need to do? *sigh* I just needed to get that all out.

And, now for something a little less depressing 8D The list is really cruddy this year because I don't really feel like putting much effort into it.

Best Music of 2010

Best Overall Album
Deftones - Diamond Eyes

Even without their bassist, Deftones put out another killer album. It's definitely better than 2006's Saturday Night Wrist and might in fact be my favourite album of theirs and I didn't think they'd ever put out anything to top White Pony. It's pretty much a flawless album. I have a hard time describing what it is I love about their music so much... there's like a feel to it, or something. I don't really know... it's just awesome.

Other Contenders (Alphabetically)

• Altan Urag- BLOOD
• Ego Fall - INNER M
• Hanggai - He Who Travels Far
• How to Destroy Angels - How to Destroy Angels EP
• Jolin Tsai - Myself
• Koda Kumi - UNIVERSE
• The Pretty Reckless - The Pretty Reckless EP
• Sa Ding Ding - Harmony
• Yuna - Decorate
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
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